Shaadi, byaah Gudda Guddion ka khel nahin hai (Marriage is no child’s play). You may have heard this famous movie dialogue many times, and it’s 100% true.
Even if you are madly in love with your partner, don’t be in a hurry. Talk to them about various things, topics before getting engaged that are not only important now, but also in the future.
Questions Every Couple Must Discuss Before Getting Engaged
Even if it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage, both of you should be ready to spend the rest of your life with each other. Things become easier if you talk about your expectations and what you look for in your partner well in advance, before the marriage. If you have already decided on whom you are going to marry, we recommend asking these very important questions. We promise you won’t regret it!
1. Talking about finances
In most relationships, couples do not talk about finances at all. You may disagree but money is one of the main things that married couples fight about. You should ask your partner if they want to keep separate accounts or a shared one. Discuss your daily expenses and determine whether your partner is a spender or a saver. Discuss your careers and salaries. Don’t shy away from discussing this important topic. Share your expectations and make sure that both of you are on the same page. This will ensure that there are fewer money-related arguments in your marriage and all miscommunication is avoided.
2. Do you both want to have kids?
If you haven’t discussed it yet, now is the time to discuss having children. It is a huge commitment to have children, both financially and personally. Having children changes your relationship with your partner. Also, ask them what happens if there are some issues when you try to have kids. Is your partner with the idea of adoption or surrogacy in case there are complications? Also, discuss parenting your children. How do you expect your children to be disciplined in case they disobey? Such things get very complicated at later stages. So it’s better to communicate in advance.
3. Know each other’s friends
Meeting and knowing about each other’s favourite people is very important. This would help you get an insight into your partner’s actual personality. Ask them about their friends. Spend some time with them and know your partner better. This would also help strengthen your bond with your partner. You can also ask your partner about how you both would spend time with your friends after getting married?
4. How you’ll handle arguments
Let’s accept the fact that both of you are going to fight or argue over different issues. The way you handle these arguments would determine your relationship. You must understand how both of you manage the conflict. Think about your recent fight, think about what is acceptable behavior and what is not during an argument? Ask them how they react to such situations and how they expect you to react. This healthy communication can lead to a happy married life.
5. About religion and moral values
Religion and moral values both play a vital role in marriages. In case you are from different religious backgrounds, ask them about the traditions that would concern you. Ask about changes in the name after marriage, customs, or religious values they follow, etc.
6. Talking about sexual intimacy
Compatibility is very important for a healthy relationship. Your communication must be strong enough so you can openly talk about sex. Ask them about what they like, their fantasies. Share your likes and dislikes. Don’t be afraid to share your insecurities, and give them space to open up to you. Communicate openly and establish boundaries according to mutual preferences. Don’t get caught up with society’s ways of treating sex as a taboo. If this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, make sure you feel safe around them.
7. Know each other’s parents
Marriage is not just the union of two people; it is the union of two families. So you must have a healthy relationship with your in-laws as well. Before getting married, you must share how you prefer to live. While some people are okay with the idea of living with parents but others may not be okay living in a joint family. Ask your partner if they are okay with your preference.
If you will support your parents financially even after your marriage, it’s great to have that communication beforehand to avoid any problem later.
8. If he is an introvert or an extrovert
Some people feel comfortable only in a group of people and others love spending their time alone. Your partner may love going to parties or they might be someone who likes spending time alone. Talk about your expectations and ask them about theirs. Your idea of spending quality time may be different. Understand each other and give the other person the space they need to be in.
9. What are the trigger points
You might have found the perfect one for yourself but even then a slight point put across by you in an argument or an unwelcome gesture or not doing something in a particular way might make them feel very uncomfortable. Ask them about their trigger point. Listen to them patiently. Share your trigger points as well. Healthy communication, as always, is the key to a successful marriage.
10. Discussing health
You need to know your partner inside out. Ask them if they have any health issues (and of course, tell them if you have any). These could be related to their physical or even their mental health. Ask them how you could help them with their issues. They are probably going to be with you for the rest of your life, but you should know about each other. Be respectful towards their problems and try to support them. This would help you develop a stronger bond and create a more comfortable space around such issues.
After discussing all these questions, if it feels you guys are ready to take the next, obvious step, then, don’t wait for anything and get married, soon! Your partner’s opinions are equally important, so if your partner has something to ask you, be ready to answer and discuss openly!