The new generation has openly and outwardly rejected many of the conservative ideas of society. The ideals that society sets for the institution of marriage have also diluted due to the impact of globalization. People are accepting the idea of falling in love and then institutionalizing their relationship. But on the contrary, many of our families still believe in traditions and have been following the same for generations. Our families do not feel comfortable with such ‘modern ideas’ like having a love marriage. They follow the rules and believe that the traditional methods of choosing a life partner work better. Young people get attracted and fall in love, and this is where things become complicated. Parents don’t trust their children to be mature enough to understand the responsibility that comes after marriage and disprove them. It becomes very difficult to convince your parents, but with proper communication, one can get through this convincing phase.
Our parents love us and care about our choices and our future. So if you are someone who has already found their life partner and you are sure about them, then these tips will help you get through. Gather some courage and communicate your feelings with your parents. Not being able to marry someone you love with all your heart is emotionally very disturbing. We all want our parent’s blessings and support. So leap of faith and convince them for their approval.
Tips to Convince your Parents for Love Marriage
It is not the same as convincing your parents for school or college trip with friends or the latest iPhone, etc. It’s about convincing them about the most important decision of your life. Communication is the key. Communicate effectively with your parents, to get their approval for your choice. Here are some tips and ideas for you to help break the ice around the topic and convince them.
1. Share your Views on Marriages and Love
As we mentioned earlier than communication is the key! Share your views on marriage and your idea of love with them. Pick this topic up in between ongoing conversations. It allows you with space to talk about such topics. You will also get to know what your parents think and react to your views about choosing your life partners. If you find their opinions different, don’t act rebellious. Just try to emphasize your thoughts and opinions and convince them. Respect their opinions too, and try to give them the logic and reason behind your views. It will help to break the ice, and your parents will be more comfortable hearing you.
2. Financial Independence
The utmost concern for most of our parents is for us to be responsible and financially stable. Make sure you are financially independent then they would take your word seriously. Earn on your own so that you can afford to live peacefully with your partner. It is not just about money, but how responsible and concerned you are about your future and your partner. This also changes the dynamics of your relationship as you become more responsible towards your partner and learn the importance of work & life balance. Once you are confident enough about your living and about taking responsibility, you can easily convince your parents to approve your choice.
3. Little Help from your Friends and Relatives
Yes, you read that right! Friends and elder relatives, whom your parent’s trust can help convince and reassure your parents about your choice. Make a list of such people whom you trust, talk to them and explain your side of the story. Ask them if they can support you. They can also talk with your parents directly if your parents are traditional. They can help you set up meetings with your parents. Try being honest and your parents will approve at last (However difficult it may get)
4. Befriend your Parents
One of the major problems these days is the communication gap between youngsters and their parents. No matter how much we love our parents, we sometimes don’t feel comfortable while sharing things. It gradually transforms into a habit and creates psychological walls in our relation with our parents. Try spending as much quality time with them as possible. Don’t forget that they were also young like you and must have felt the same as you are feeling right now. They are human beings just like you. Talk to them and share the things that matter to both of you. Also, try telling them stories about your friends. Tell them about people in your circle who tied a knot in love marriage and are happily together, enjoying their lives.
5. Tell your parents that you have Someone in your Life
Sometimes, youngsters hide their relationships for long that they only tell their parents after they decide to be with each other for the rest of their life. First and foremost, be sure of whom you wish to marry. Confess your feelings with them and take their consent to get married. If your partner is okay with it, tell your parents that you have an important person in your life and introduce them to your partner. Second, don’t assume that your parents will say yes after you share your story with them. Good things take time, and eventually, you will convince them. Make them your friends and they will be supportive. They will listen to you and will eventually understand. This would take time. They might not get convinced at first, but when you are honest with your parents, they are most likely to approve of your choices in the end.
6. Show your Parents that you are Mature and Responsible
Always try to act in a very mature way, so that they can trust your decision-making abilities. Take decisions and interest in family-related issues. Solve as many issues on your own as you can. Your actions speak louder than your words. They will notice your actions, and that would build their trust in you, however slowly and steadily may it be. It will make them believe that you are mature enough to take decisions in your life.
7. Listen to your Parents’ Point of View
Do not become very defensive but assert your position clearly and also in a respectable manner. Listening is an art, and most of the time, we don’t listen. Speak less and try to listen to why they are against your choice or the idea of love marriage. Is it an inter-caste thing or is it something that they didn’t like about your partner? Find out the problem and then look for solutions. Listen patiently, discuss it with your partner and let them show your parents how beautiful they are as a person.
8. Introduce your Partner
It is the time when you should introduce your partner to your parents. Arrange meetings for them and give them the time to know and understand each other. Stop hiding them in your closet. You and your partner should be ready to meet each other’s parents. In this way, your parents will understand your bonding and get to know why you chose them. Be open about
9. Make your Parents see the Best in your Partner
Communicate with your parents and share what you like most about your partner and talk about all the qualities so that they can feel that you have chosen the best partner for you. You can even propose a meeting between your partner and your family.
10. A Meeting of Both Families
The most important thing to establish comfort between your partner and your family is trust. First, arrange a meeting with your parents with your partner and then let both families meet. Yes, Jit would be tough to convince some orthodox and reserved families, but it’s okay. Remember you will have to be patient enough to deal with all the things.
11. Stay Firm When Making your Case
Your parents will refuse again and again, but you should never give up. Try telling them that you understand their perspective but reconsider your choices too. Don’t sound rude while you talk to them as they will feel that you are already getting detached from them.
12. Some Rational Talks
You can’t convince your parents by just saying that you love your partner. Explain why he/she is a perfect match for you. Explain his strengths. Tell your parents about certain things which can make them happy. Talk about your partners’ education, achievements, and mutual hobbies, etc. Highlight your thoughts, while dominating the conversation in a very subtle manner.
13. Be Ready to Answer a lot of Questions
It’s obvious and natural for your family to be concerned about you. Make sure you and your partner are ready to explain little and big things. Be sure of many things, because all the questions will be coming out of love and care. Make a list of what your parents can ask you and see if you have answers to every question. There will be a lot of questions from your parents’ side.
14. Don’t Be Aggressive
Being rude or loud, won’t help for sure. These things make your parents discourage you more about your decision. Be patient. Try all the ideas and trust yourself and your choices. You are surely going to persuade your parents about your marriage.
15. Don’t Give Up
After trying everything, if you still feel you won’t make your parents realize what is best for you. Don’t just give up. Please be patient. It’s not that easy. They will realize and trust your decision because they know you so well and after seeing so many efforts from your side. They will support you and your partner.
Why your parents don’t support love marriages?
Parents have seen all your mistakes in choosing friends or any decision related to your life. So they are worried about you. They think that you may fall for the wrong person, or what if your partner doesn’t like them. So these can be the possibilities. ‘Log kya Kahenge’ ( What will people say or think). It makes your parents think many times before saying yes to your love marriage. They don’t want to go against your will, but the societal pressure forces them to give in.
There is a notion that love marriages don’t last for long and eventually lead to a divorce, which most Indian parents hate. Some parents refuse to let you marry a person who may have less income, lack good looks, etc. Since the caste system is deeply rooted in our society, parents oppose you and the decision of getting married to a person outside their caste. For people who migrated from rural to urban areas, the idea of love marriage is still alien to them. It’s not their mistake. It’s about the exposure and the people they meet.
Conclusion
Arranged marriages are deeply rooted in the tradition and the culture of our country. Don’t make mistakes of being careless at this stage.
The process of convincing your parents can be slow but will be worth it. Then they will be happily giving you blessings on your wedding day. It’s believed that arranged marriages are stable, maintain rituals and make both families close together. But you can explain to your parents that all these things are possible in love marriages too.
Saakshi Pathak aka Iska Review girl is a blogger, script writer, book reviewer, youtuber and a show host. Her writings are often witty and layered with sarcastic comments. She makes videos on social issues and has also been working with various media houses as a freelance content creator. She loves collecting and wearing jhumkas. She's an avid book reader. She is currently based in Chandigarh and is working as a freelancer.
